Ummm, try to be at least a little sympathetic here.
Infertility is an issue couples should talk about before marriage. It's one of those things that no one thinks will ever happen to them. But then, guess what, it does. Then they have to ask themselves questions individually and as a married couple. You may be for adoption, but that doesn't mean everyone is. Some men and women don't feel that they could raise an adopted child as their own. And that's their business and their choice. Additionally, you don't seem to understand how difficult it is to get an adopted child to begin with. As someone who has had reproductive issues in the past (now corrected due to surgery), my husband and I have looked into adoption. It's a long process. There's millions of parents out there who wants children, but there's not enough children up for adoption. So then what? You also have to pass some really high standards. Background checks, references, financial checks, etc. And, even then, there's no guarantee. It's a long, hard, often expensive process with no guarantees. And then there's foster children. Again, no guarantees. With a foster child, you've got many of the same issues, plus, in most cases, you have to worry about social workers getting involved, behavioral issues due to their upbringing, as well as the fear that their birth parents will one day return to claim their child again. And couples also need to ask themselves how far they're willing to go. Some people believe in natural pregnancy only. What about fertility treatments? Ovulation drugs? IVF? Sperm donation? Surrogate mothers? Etc. What do each of them think is ethical and right? What would each of them do? It's a very important issue that people should shed light on and discuss before marriage. Too many people are split up over infertility because they get to that point and they completely disagree over what to do and they can't reconcile because they never discussed it before marriage thinking it would never happen. And it's something that could all be avoided with a simple conversation to see where the two of them stand on children. You wouldn't expect two responsible people to get married without discussing their views on children, so how do you, by any logical sense, think this is not included? And just because it's so cut and dry to you doesn't mean it's so cut and dry for everyone else. You should be less judgmental and more sympathetic to others.
I just have to add, ten minutes later, and I'm still reeling from your completely insensitive and totally unsympathetic words, "maybe for the woman it's a problem." Why don't you try telling that to my husband who had to hear about my miscarriage during his latest deployment to Iraq and see exactly how he felt about that. If you seriously think it's not a problem for men too… then ugh. And, uh, didn't you ever consider that men can be infertile too? What about that?
If you or your partner are infertile it is something that needs to be discussed but its not as huge a deal as its made out to be. But it is very expensive to adopt a kid and not exactly and easy thing to do. Also, if the woman is infertile just remind the man that he doesn't have to wear a damn condom anymore!
A lot of people are really uncomfortable with the idea of adoption, and would much rather have their own biological child. If you don't feel that way, then it's impossible to explain, but maybe when you are older you will understand more what wanting a baby feels like. In my experience, it is mostly guys who feel strongly about wanting their own child, whereas women are more open about adoption.
Think about it this way: would you wait until after you were married to tell your husband that you wanted to adopt? What if he told you he didn't want to adopt? How you feel about having children is definitely an issue you need to sort out with your partner before you get married.
Also, adoption also isn't easy. It's a very lengthy and expensive process, so it is difficult to go through. Many people who want to adopt can't because it is so hard.
I went through it and it's terrible for a woman who desires to become a mother and cannot. And your attitude is the main reason why–everyone without the problem doesn't see the problem.
Regardless of how long we've come, baby, our main value in society is still in our mothering.
I get reminded of this all the time when I go to my son's school or he decides to take me on. I'm an attorney and he couldn't care less.
The possibility of infertility, as well as options, needs to be part of the discussion about children before marriage–it's easy to fit in there.
Soas not to decieve about one's abaility to concieve.
What is important to someone befor marrige is there business and noome has a right to be deceptive or misleading. In fact that use to be a crime, misrpresentation of morals.
May 25th, 2009 at 12:26 am
Ummm, try to be at least a little sympathetic here.
Infertility is an issue couples should talk about before marriage. It's one of those things that no one thinks will ever happen to them. But then, guess what, it does. Then they have to ask themselves questions individually and as a married couple. You may be for adoption, but that doesn't mean everyone is. Some men and women don't feel that they could raise an adopted child as their own. And that's their business and their choice. Additionally, you don't seem to understand how difficult it is to get an adopted child to begin with. As someone who has had reproductive issues in the past (now corrected due to surgery), my husband and I have looked into adoption. It's a long process. There's millions of parents out there who wants children, but there's not enough children up for adoption. So then what? You also have to pass some really high standards. Background checks, references, financial checks, etc. And, even then, there's no guarantee. It's a long, hard, often expensive process with no guarantees. And then there's foster children. Again, no guarantees. With a foster child, you've got many of the same issues, plus, in most cases, you have to worry about social workers getting involved, behavioral issues due to their upbringing, as well as the fear that their birth parents will one day return to claim their child again. And couples also need to ask themselves how far they're willing to go. Some people believe in natural pregnancy only. What about fertility treatments? Ovulation drugs? IVF? Sperm donation? Surrogate mothers? Etc. What do each of them think is ethical and right? What would each of them do? It's a very important issue that people should shed light on and discuss before marriage. Too many people are split up over infertility because they get to that point and they completely disagree over what to do and they can't reconcile because they never discussed it before marriage thinking it would never happen. And it's something that could all be avoided with a simple conversation to see where the two of them stand on children. You wouldn't expect two responsible people to get married without discussing their views on children, so how do you, by any logical sense, think this is not included? And just because it's so cut and dry to you doesn't mean it's so cut and dry for everyone else. You should be less judgmental and more sympathetic to others.
I just have to add, ten minutes later, and I'm still reeling from your completely insensitive and totally unsympathetic words, "maybe for the woman it's a problem." Why don't you try telling that to my husband who had to hear about my miscarriage during his latest deployment to Iraq and see exactly how he felt about that. If you seriously think it's not a problem for men too… then ugh. And, uh, didn't you ever consider that men can be infertile too? What about that?
May 25th, 2009 at 12:26 am
some couples want to have their own children, and if one of the people in that relationship is infertile, it puts a huge roadblock up.
May 25th, 2009 at 12:26 am
If you or your partner are infertile it is something that needs to be discussed but its not as huge a deal as its made out to be. But it is very expensive to adopt a kid and not exactly and easy thing to do. Also, if the woman is infertile just remind the man that he doesn't have to wear a damn condom anymore!
May 25th, 2009 at 12:26 am
A lot of people are really uncomfortable with the idea of adoption, and would much rather have their own biological child. If you don't feel that way, then it's impossible to explain, but maybe when you are older you will understand more what wanting a baby feels like. In my experience, it is mostly guys who feel strongly about wanting their own child, whereas women are more open about adoption.
Think about it this way: would you wait until after you were married to tell your husband that you wanted to adopt? What if he told you he didn't want to adopt? How you feel about having children is definitely an issue you need to sort out with your partner before you get married.
Also, adoption also isn't easy. It's a very lengthy and expensive process, so it is difficult to go through. Many people who want to adopt can't because it is so hard.
May 25th, 2009 at 12:26 am
I went through it and it's terrible for a woman who desires to become a mother and cannot. And your attitude is the main reason why–everyone without the problem doesn't see the problem.
Regardless of how long we've come, baby, our main value in society is still in our mothering.
I get reminded of this all the time when I go to my son's school or he decides to take me on. I'm an attorney and he couldn't care less.
The possibility of infertility, as well as options, needs to be part of the discussion about children before marriage–it's easy to fit in there.
May 25th, 2009 at 12:26 am
Soas not to decieve about one's abaility to concieve.
What is important to someone befor marrige is there business and noome has a right to be deceptive or misleading. In fact that use to be a crime, misrpresentation of morals.